The f*cking TWO WEEK WAIT

I know we all haaaaate the evil two week wait (2ww), it just seems to take forever. Every little twinge, feeling of sickness, headache, tiredness for me, is A SIGN!!!

"I'm totally knocked up!!"

But not really. FU Mother Nature.

I think I'm around 10-11DPO, not really sure when ovulation occured but I have a general idea. I think we timed it right, so we'll see.

I'm tired as hell, just dragging my ass the last few days. But that could be anything as I never get to bed early.  I feel kind of pukey throughout the day (mostly in afternoons), had some headaches today, so yeah. Signs or abso-fucking-lutely nothing.

I have to say, doing this with Chester is quite the godamned ordeal. It's not just "get over here and inseminate me," no way.

One of us must take time off, travel to see the other, hope we hit that sweet spot (in terms of timing!) and if it doesn't work - repeat, repeat, repeat! Sex is slightly different when you're actually trying to get pregnant, I'm on a mission! I am like a dog in heat, and will break down fences and gates and run across 4 lanes of highway to get to Chester.

But it is work!

Let's talk sperm!

So here's my story:

I am not going the anonymous sperm donor clinic route here, instead I have a "friend" (let's call him "Chester") who is willing to donate his precious DNA to me. We dated in the past, but things didn't really work out. It was back and forth and on and off for years and really I was getting goddamned sick of it.

I realized one day that he will never make a commitment for a variety of reasons. And even if did decide to commit, he's not the kind of partner I want or need.

However! Despite his relationship/commitment faults, he is a really great guy.  Chester has a bunch of great qualities for a sperm donor and is overall a smart, decent human with great physical characteristics. 

not Chester

So one day on a whim I asked him if he'd be willing to make a donation to my uterus. To my surprise (I thought it was a long shot), he said YES!

He is totally ok with me being the primary parent and he is just fine with whatever kind of contact I'm comfortable with. I'd love for my kid to know his/her dad and maybe have a relationship with Chester in the future, but there won't be that daily contact, that's for sure.

Chester is very wary of any kind of conflict (past relationship flashbacks I think), so if there is any stress between us, or he gets any weird "vibes" from me, he will back out of our lives immediately. 

Maybe now you can see why he doesn't make for a very good partner...

Anyways, there is a lot going thru my head about whether this is a good way to do it or whether the anonymous sperm donor is the way to go.  Could this potentially cause trouble in the future? Maybe... but given his past and temperament, I really doubt he'd fight me for custody or anything.  It really is more like he's doing me a favor while at the same time, getting the added "perk" of having a kid out there somewhere. He has always wanted kids, so maybe this is the only way he thinks he can have them.

Time to start spewing!

Hi, this is me.

I am all of the above. That cartoon sums up my personality (though the "cold" part is usually physical).

Plus I am aiming to have a baby on my own. A "Single Mother by Choice" I guess they're calling us these days.

Obviously this blog is totally anonymous. I need to vent, express and shout everything the fuck out to get it out of my system!!! I can't do this to my friends & family now, my diabolical plans are totally secret.

I want a baby, did I mention that? I'm at that "advanced maternal age (AMA)" (thank you medical community for making that sound so lovely) and cannot wait much longer.

What's my story? Why am I alone? Things just haven't worked out for me in the relationship area... not sure why. Maybe it's me, maybe it's them, who knows. All I know is that I haven't met anyone I want to spend ALL day & night with. They end up driving me crazy. Ok, so it's probably ME! :)

I've had relationships, some long-term ones, but nothing really ever stuck. I was never *really* happy. I find I'm happier alone.

I really am. And it was when I finally realized that and accepted it that I became truly content!

Welcome and enjoy the ride with me! Next I'll talk about how I'm going to go about getting knocked up! :)